If you've ever talked with me on Skype or some other more private chat, you probably know I have this habit of going on rambles about things I tend to be obsessed with at the time, be it a show, game, some youtube channel or anything really, though often it is a game. Pokémon, Laser Lords, Rayman, stupid old edutainment games, Rollercoatser Tycoon... I could probably list tons of things if it weren't for the fact that I seem to go through so many of these things that I tend to forget about them not long after my obsession wanes. Which is what this blog is about! Who says it's too early to go all meta and ramble about rambling in a rambley blog?!
Whenever I find one of these things I obsess over, it feels like I want to know all about, experience as much of it, and if possible, share it with others and talk about it. Which is rather hypocritical, considering I generally don't like it when others do that with me, unless it's something that is or becomes a mutual interest, that and the fact that I get the impression many others feel the same way too.
Having some kind of outlet makes the whole process just much more enjoyable, which is why I appreciate having people with whom I can talk about MLP, or how I could record my MARDEK playthrough while beta-testing the new one and have the developer of both actually read and reply to it! Meanwhile, there's some other stuff I'd like to talk about but don't end up doing, either because it's part of some ongoing series which means I don't have too much to say, or there's nobody to really talk about it with.
But for as much as I seem to deeply enjoy those things, those interests rarely last, leaving me a sense of emptiness. When I was nearing the end of MARDEK, I was getting tired of it. When I was nearing the end of Rayman Brain Games, I was getting tired. I have tons of games where I am stuck somewhere around the lategame; Pokémon games stranded at 7 badges, Final Fantasies stranded in the middle of the world map leaving me unexcited to ever come back due to having no clue what to do, and just generally playing trough something for like 70~90 percent but never seeing it through to the end, or it being a slogfest if I do!
But the most annoying part seems to come after that. Once that ship has stranded, it's like I am on an island desperately looking for some new boat to travel with, assessing all the possibilities, be they new interests or trying to rekindle an old one or even taking something old and starting anew with it hoping to finish it this time... A rather tedious process marked by long periods of sitting online and just taking in content there in a very underwhelming way compared to really getting into something.
Since I currently have exams to focus on, it provides me some way of feeling like my day's not been wasted like that, just doing nothing I consider 'of value' has no appeal to me, but after that it's three months of summer break, and even though I hope to get some kind of job, it still leaves much free time, time I wonder what to do with. I could buy some games, perhaps chat with a friend and arrange something, and there'll be shows that start airing again, but is that enough? Will I need to make some kind of strict schedule ordering my day in segments during which I do things, perhaps having segments for finishing old stuff?! I did it once, and I think it worked really well, but since then attempts at it never went anywhere due to me not following the schedule, with mixed results.
It sounds so bizarre, most people would love to have more time, yet for me it's like I have all this time left, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Maybe I should get out more, but to do that you need to make plans, and it's not often that I am in the mood to actually get out. Hm.
At least I have this place to rant about it like this, though, getting it off my chest like this at least feels like I'm doing something of value. One thing I'd like for myself to do with this time is make more quests, actually get things done unlike how it usually goes, but that's not even possible right now. I wonder whether at some point I could talk about some of my quest ideas in more detail if I feel like they're not going anywhere and are as good as scrapped, something like "Level Zero" for example, for which I had all these ideas but only minutes of actual quest gameplay.
Anyway, for now I just hope to pass my final two exams in one go so I have my bachelor, after which I'll need to really get to work on finding a job to get working experience and hopefully make some moneys. I'd hope having an income will make me more generous with spending which in turn means I can actually just afford to buy games and not just emulate them, having paid for something just makes me want to finish it more, it seems.
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