The Super Barbie Sisters Super Show Season 7, Episode 8: Mooning over you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkXObn6BaS0 I am very upset

Someone recommended me to watch the recent episode of Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse, and as a man of reason and logic, I am offended by the proceedings of this episode. There is zero consideration for proper physics and it features very uncharacteristic behaviour for astronauts, a grave insult towards those paragons of exploring new frontiers and enriching the common experience by adding to the human consciousness new insights into the workings of space, the galaxy and the universe. This episode takes all what humanity stands for and accomplished, throws it in a corner, kicks it, spits on it and laughs at it as it cries. My human spirit is weeping, but as a man of reason and logic, I realize there is no such thing as spirits and I shall firmly and with proper respect for the procedures of science objectively review this episode.

"It's so luminous!" "Yeah. It's like a big round... moony thing."

First of all, this is NOT what the moon looks like. The moon is grey and made of rock, and not yellow and made from cheese. I question how the people who made this episode ever got into a position to animate when even a preschooler could point out that the moon and its craters do not look like this.

Barbie's space station

As a student of astrophysics, I know very much about the construction of space stations, and this space station does not follow even the most BASIC of protocols. It is my firm belief that this space station is the glorification of privatized space-faring which is the sensationalism and even Barbiefication of the noble endeavor to propel humanity's knowledge spacebound. Disgusting.

THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY

Barbie and Ken leave the spacestation by attaching themselves to one another. This stunning display of stupidity was enough to even overload my bastion of a brain and send me into a panicked laugh, not realizing any other way to react. I once dabbled in neurophychology, and I believe it is the pupal gland part of the brain that caused me this reaction. Yes people, this episode almost gave my brain an aneurysm, that is how bad it is. Do not question my science, also, for this dissertation is only to be reviewed by a select group of peers to which you and the vast majority of humanity do not belong.

"We're gonna mine some interstellar sequins!"

Interstellar sequin? First of all, there is no such thin as interstellar sequin, sequin is a man-made product which is born from a combination of the praiseworthy ingenuity of mankind and the shallow vanity of  the people, not a naturally occuring phenomenon that is to be studied and mined. Furthermore, the operation for mining the sequins is called "Operation Sparkle", but that name is too vague to be a proper name for an operation, they should make it more clearly indicative or add another word to set it apart from other operations involving sparkles, like "Twilight" for example.

"Are there dolls on other planets? And are they recommended for ages 3 and up?"

Okay, when did Ken suddenly land on the 'moon' to address the viewers, why is there a bench on the moon and why are there aliens? Barring the logical fallacies in this scene, it also shows that it does not follow any logical narrative flow of events and introduces many new elements into the episode that confuse the episode's intent and do not return, making me as a viewer chronically confused as to the point of this scene. I have myself authored and co-edited many books, and if I were to edit a book that had a scene such as this in it, I would not only edit it out, I would find all other copies of the manuscript and burn them using a chemically safe reaction of which the complexity is indescribable by human language

"How about a space soda, Barbie?"

Now, in the next scene which does not logically flow from the previous, Ken offers Barbie a can of 'space soda'. This scene is wrong for a variety of reasons. First of, the show never established beforehand that Ken brought such a thing, so this scene comes out of nowhere. Furthermore, Ken had no place to keep such a can of space soda. Finally, there is no such thing as commercialized space soda. I have a friend who works in marketing, and she assured me that such a product is highly unfeasible, but do not take her word to be foolproof because her field is merely social economics, the filthiest form of 'science' that there is.

"I've got some veggie chips if you want to go healthy!"

Again, this scene shows the same problems as the last scene, as well as being repetitious, meaning the last scene was completely without point and served as nothing but padding to make the 3:45 mark, which is absolutely pathetic. In this scene, Ken opens a bag of space veggie chips, which blows him away and detaches him from Barbie, sending him tumbling into space. Although I am glad what this means for the gene pool, I took some advanced classes in genetic biology, you see, that does not take from the fact that this is not how physics in space work, the force of opening the bag and the air spewing out cannot cause a greater knockback effect for Ken, if this was true then we would have already solved the energy crisis by now, which is actually something I am working on right now and making progress on, as part of my final thesis.

"Aaaah, I'm detached!"

Here you can see that right after Ken is blown away and experiences intense shock and fear, he suddenly starts to smile and take a picture of himself. This shows no consideration for the intricate workings of the human psyche, and it is my belief that the people responsible for this scene are pathologically unable to function in society with other people and should be put away for their and the general populace's sake. Please refer to my thesis on precriminological profiling for more information on the subject.

"Space selfie!"

You can see here that Ken has taken a "selfie" in the last scene and is showing it to the audience. This makes no sense for several reasons. For one, why did Ken bring such a device with him? Secondly, how does he address the audience if he is a character inside an animation short?

"I've never lost a doll, and I don't plan to lose one now."

Barbie freaks out, which based on my past interactions with them I know women are wont to do, and calls for "Malibu" to get permission to do something. This scene shows, however, that the one in charge of giving this command is a little girl. I believe that this reaffirms the "Coma theory" I have read about in one of the many scientific journals I need to read for my intense and rigorous studies, but it does not excuse that any company that specializes in spacefaring, be it public or privatized, would put a child in control of its operations.

Lasso physics in space?!

After getting permission to save Ken, Barbie uses her connection as a lasso to reconnect Ken. This is not how physics work in space, and also does not account for the fact that the connector she uses is not as elastic as it needs to be to catch on to Ken, which the show ignored for the convenience of the plot. This is an unforgivable sin, for the tenets of science have absolute priority in any and all situations, a basic principle of all human life that this show ignores.

WHAT

Next, Barbie uses a hair dryer to proper herself and Ken backwards back to the "sequined comet". This scene is what so called 'critics' call a Deus Ex Machina. Though I would loathe to ally myself with such a snobby and sorry bunch of twits who do not grasp even the most basic elements of storytelling as evidenced by their unrighteous trashing of my realistic science-nonfiction novel "Lords of the Laser", they would be right in calling this scene a Deus Ex Machina, as Barbie pulls this tool out of nowhere with zero foreshadowing in the narrative of her possessing such an item, let alone bringing it with her. It also does not comply to physics once more and once again would mean infinite energy could be created with a hair dryer alone, which is impossible as I have tried so many times with my mom's hair-dryer to no effect other than making me even more beautiful.

"In space, no-one can hear you scream... with joy!"

The line that Ken utters is actually not scientifically sound and does not take into consideration all possible circumstances and possibility, showing an absolutist viewpoint which is ultimately unfounded and without merit. Just a minute ago, both Barbie, Chelsea and the watchers could all hear Ken screaming from space.

"Let's celebrate with some sherbet!"

Once more Ken pulls out a foodstuff from nowhere and opens it, once more releasing more force than should be possible, solving another infinite energy crisis and establishing him as lacking a short-term memory, which from my personal experience astronauts are tested for in their rigorous examination. So rigorous that even I did not pass, in what I believe to be a fault in the examination system.

"NEIGH"

What? Horses are not accepted into the position of astronaut and cannot legally earn the right to drive a spacecraft. These scene is the final in a chain of scenes that make no sense.


Overall I conclude that this episode is not scientifically or narratively sound and fails in each and every aspect to celebrate that which makes us humans superiour over any common animal, which is the only audience to which I would recommend this trite and banal display of frivolity. I believe that it would take more research into the quantum theory of dark antimatter to explain just the severity of this episode's failings.


Seriously though, this episode was hilarious.