Cardhuntria's Best Butt Part 2 - Contestants 13-23!

This is a continuation of Cardhuntria's Best Butt Part 1: http://maniafig.blogspot.nl/2015/07/cardhuntrias-best-butt-part-1.html

I said we'd be back shortly! Now, I have talked to the audience, and I'm pretty sure they won't be groping any Demons anymore. Pretty sure. Now we're back to our scheduled programming, on with the next contestant!

Elven Conspiracy Theorist

This Elf seems more intent on proving with its technological pyramid that aliens built the Ziggurat of Maztec than actually competing, Though he's wearing yet another skintight spacesuit, when asked what motivated him to come here, the only thing he had to shout was "Laser beams can't melt steel beams!" as he promptly shot his lasergun at a steel beam.Turns out he was wrong and is currently in space custody, awaiting space trial in space court for space crime. We apologize for this whole mess, clearly I should have also spoken to the contestants.

Yellow Pudding

It seems one of the beams of the crazy Elf has hit one of our other contestants! A Yellow Slime who also goes by the name of "Yellow Pudding". Slimes are known for generally having unimpressive if not nonexistent butts, but this Slime has set out to be the exception to that rule in a most magnificent way. When our local translating Wizard asked how it felt like to be standing on the stage and be hit by a beam like that, the slime assured us it didn't mind it too much. Oh my.

Troll

This monstrous fellow entered the stage with a huge grin as it promised the audience it would give them more than just any pair of butts. At the height of the anticipation, it quickly turned around to show an amalgam of six separate butts. Babies started to cry as parents impaired the vision of their unfortunate children. A few audience members only stayed seated with a huge grin on their faces. Massive debate erupted in the audience, and the Troll was nowhere to be seen. Truly Trolls are incomprehensible beings. 

Zornze

When this Human Cleric ascended the stage silently staring down the audience, as if to size them up, one of our stage hands asked her what she was planning. Then she boldly stated that she serves "Odme, the dark god of technofetishism" before erupting into a wild dance while her armcannon covered the entire studio in a giant cybernetic dome. The entire studio entered a state of sudden trance, as did I, and when we came back, Zornze was completely out of sight. None of us are sure what happened, but we all have one image forever implanted into our minds.

Rumbling Mutant

In a flash, this Mutant teleported onto the stage, and as soon as it got there, it charged right into the audience, dealing 15 Crushing damage to at least 7 people. One Elf Wizard is said to have had "Her life fade", though it was later found out she survived with 2 HP. When asked for an explanation, the Mutant groaned that he thought it was a "Headbutting" contest. While ignorance of the rules does not protect one from the consequences of breaking them, this Mutant nevertheless has showed a considerable butt. Just maybe not the right kind.

Spiked Demon

This cautious Demon was careful not to walk into anything or anyone, assuring us that it was just as painful for it as the other party. It stood at motionless as possible before the crowd. Again a member of the crowd ran up 'wanting to know what it feels like' and the events that followed are best not described. The audience member assured us that it didn't feel like expected. The Spiked Demon is currently in therapy over its miserable existence. We've sent it a box of chocolates only to later be informed that Demons are allergic to chocolate and it tends to melt in the realm where it was sent to anyway. We choose to assume the Demon has survived worse and will appreciate the gesture.

Case

This Human 'Technician' prides himself on his rear as well as on his technological prowess, though we are not convinced he is not in fact a Wizard who has a thing for tight clothes. The same goes for most of these space people. Case claims that the power and accuracy of his laserbeam is matched nowhere in the land, and that he used Laser Therapy© to help sculpt his butt. He volunteered to quell any doubts of his status as a technician or skill as a therapist, though things did not go as planned...

Green Jelly

Poor Green Jelly. Inspired by the performance of Yellow Pudding and not wanting to remain in the shadows of these great butts, it volunteered for some Laser Therapy©. Case was not lying about the power of his Laser, having rolled a 6 on his Erratic Damage roll. Though things may seem dire for Green Jelly, it specifically stated it certainly minded too much, word from the hospital says that it's looking at 50.000 Gold's worth of damage claims against Case Industries and its butt will in fact reshape. Randimar had better prepare his best Legendaries, because word is that there's an up-and-coming adventurous Green Jelly intent on showing it has brains, brawn and butt and has Gold to spare. Truly a deadly trifecta.

Troll King

Our only Large Creature so far, and royalty to boot, look at how much space he takes up! This Troll King has the whole audience wary of what tricks it has up his sleeve, though what it had in store was more fearsome than ny Almighty Bludgeon or Obliterating Hack. With a vicious sneer, the troll King started gyrating on the stage, showing an infestation of butts all along his body. Trolls have a peculiar ability to generate from all wounds not caused by Fire, but none were quite so resilient as the King, who just for this very contest has showed that there is quality in quantity of butts. Though many audience members would disagree, as the cleaning crew will know all too well. 

Mister Chef

This fully-armoured Human goes only by the name of "Mister Chef". He claims to be a Spice Marine, who hunts the galaxy for the ultimate spices to put in his marinades. What he has cooked up for us today, though, is not a dish, but nonetheless was served to us on a metaphorical silver platter. He states that he uses his Laserblade and Shield to better cook his food, but it's clear this man really needs no Laser tools to radiate heat. He may call himself a Mister, but many would rather call him Master.

Umber Bulk

And last but not least, the Umber Bulk! This is a mysterious creature capable of controlling the very movements of people using a skill called "Maze of the Mind". This Umber Bulk proudly states in its monster dialect that "All Mazes of the Mind lead to my butt!". Though I am sure some of that got lost in translation, it's clear that this Umber Bulk need not use any magic or mental tricks to lead onlookers to its butt. "I have seen adventures step into Mud, Spikes, Acid, Lava and even pure Radiation just to get closer to my butt!" And can you foul them, I think I can feel my legs moving on their own...

And those were all the contestants! It seems we only had some injuries this year and incredulously enough only one lawsuit! We don't know how we get away with it each year, but any claims of being sponsored by Lord Buttford are categorically ridiculous! 

Truly the gods have blessed us this wonderful day, since never before have we had this many contestants on our show! 23 people and non-people from all walks of life, some even of unlife (regrettably), all eager to bare themselves before this crowd which apparently thinks it's okay to grope demons or take children or even babies to see all kinds of dangerous and deranged creatures which are known to be violent! You people sicken me, and I give commentary on butts for a living!

But as much as all butts are to be coveted, as long as the follow the show's guidelines of course, there must be a winner! There can be only one pair of buttocks in Cardhuntria that reigns supreme! Well, or three pairs or even more if you think the Troll or Troll King should win... If you're into that sort of thing. No judgments. 

All you need to do is say who you think should win! Send me a message per PM on Alora Fane titled "Cardhuntria's Best Butt", and I'll tally the votes! Or in the likely event that nobody sends a PM, I'll just choose a winner myself! And you don't want to give me responsibility, are you crazy?! I'll tally the voted on, uh, let's say the first of August on 21:00 Alora Fane time. If I don't forget. Then I can announce the winner and we'll see who has Cardhuntria's Best Butt! Or you just know what kind of butt I like most. Because that's not creepy.

Cardhuntria's Best Butt Part 1 - Contestants 1-12!

How do you start a blog about butts? Hey, why do you assk me?

... No, can't get behind that opening? 

You're a pain in the rear, you are. 

It's time for Carduntria's Best Butt, where I look over the various butts that Card Hunter has to offer and you, yes you!, decide whose butt is the most bootylicious! Why? Because why not! This blog could use some audience participation, right?!

This contest is open to people and entities from all walks of life, whether female, male, sentient or not, or even from Cardhuntria's realm of existence or not! Because if we did not they'd sue our ass off. And we do value asses in here, they're our primary asset! Seriously, last time a Greater Demon blassted the studio audience in protest and a Devil somehow made us legally responsible for it. It's the largest case of co-operation among denizens of the netherrealms ever recorded.

Of course all butts are to be celebrated, and though there can be only one winner, anyone (and anything) who made it on this list should consider him/her/it/self or themselves lucky! 

So, on with the first contasstant!! (Okay that's enough ass jokes.)

Armoured Pig

Oh my, how did this little piggy even get on stage? This piece of pork is happy to shield its back, but leaves it rear open for all to spectate! Truly a very bold first contestant we have here. When asked about its prospects in life, all we got out of it was "Oink". A local wizard fluent in Piglish later informed us it hoped its rear would one day make a good meal for a great king. I do fancy myself as a noble man, so I was happy to oblige.

Festering Zombie

Oh dear. Next up we have a more shy contestant who is happier to clothe himself, much to the happiness of the audience as well. Though this zombie's body is bubbling with boils, it assured us that it was totally in the clear 'down there'. Upon closer inspection by a stage hand, this zombie's story was discredited as it had a severe case of pants postules. I wouldn't want to be that stag hand, I heard he took 18 Acid damage as a result of the inspection. The zombie's Necromancer assures me he'll make sure to provide an acceptable alternative.

Cunning Mutant

Coming straight from the mountains where his spaceship landed, this mutant charged up to the stage and started shouting madly as he showed the audience his contribution. What nobody expected was the Radioactive Pulse it emitted from its rear. All this Cunning Mutant had to say for itself was "Help meee!" and "The pain!" as it ran off the stage as quickly as it came on. It's not easy being beautiful, and I'm sure we can all relate to the hardships of having such a butt. 

Molly

This enigmatic contestant claims that he - err, she's from space and came all the way to our humble planet to partake in this competition! Equipped with a Nova Axe, Laserforce Shield, Cybernetic Armour and Skintight Pants, this Dwarf Lady is equipped for the raunchiest of combat while still maintaining the rear view you'd want in any Dwarven Warrior eager to charge ahead and pummel the enemy! Let's just hope her pants aren't as prone to malfunctions as her axe...

Demon Warrior

Oh dear, it seems the producers have opened the Demon Portal a bit early this year, and we already have a hunky Demon Warrior parading around the stage like he owns the place. Frankly we're too afraid to tell him otherwise. Uniquely, this Demon does not seem content to come in unclothed like most Demons. When asked why, he told us that "Less is More". I got a faint sense that he was trying to make a pun, but Demon accents have never been my strong suit.

Gargoyle

Next up, it seems a Gargoyle has swooped down from the stagelights and positioned itself in front of the audience. Clearly it has not been informed that swooping is bad. Though its entrance is less than rock-solid, its rear entrance is anything but. Few know whether Gargoyles are sculpted by nature or Wizards, but we believe that if it was a Wizard, they knew what they were doing.

Elves Priest

An Elven Priest of little words, this lady was content to show us her humble butt before leaving the stage. When asked for her name and why she was so silent, she entered a state of Frenzy and sucked the life out of one of our stage hands. Has this lady taken the wrong path looking for Lord Lordford's Estate or was this all part of her unholy schemes? Either way, we're too afraid to ask, and were more than happy to hand her over the "loot for beating the module", which caused her to leave. Psh, adventurers. 

Fire Demon

Oh, good, another Demon! This one is holding Melissa, one of our stage hands. She was never really a good stage hand. This ferocious and large Demon apparently likes to use a Human skull and its spine as a puppet for his lighthearted ventriloquism act. It also likes to prance around naked. We're not sure which part has the audience more captivated, but I'm pretty sure it's the latter. Certainly one hot performance!

Muscular Zombie

Ah, it seems the Necromancer has returned with what he dubs the "Muscular Zombie". This zombie is eager to show its body using various stereotypical bodybuilder poses, but the audience seems more repulsed than anything. When asked how a zombie can maintain such a muscle mass, the Necromancer went silent, and further testing found traces of Necroids. The necromancer in question has been banned from any future events and the applicability of undead next year is pending.

Elven Captain

This no-nonsense, entrepreneurial Space Elf assured us that she is the captain of her own enterprise and that she needs her space helmet to survive in the climate of Cardhuntria. We always knew Elves were a delicate species, but this subrace of Space Elves seems even more delicate. When a stage hand tapped on the bubble to ask further questions, she quickly reminded him with a laser not to tap the glass. Though she could work on her social skills, her choice in fashion excellently complements her '
derrière'. We believe this is Elvish for butt.

Mutant Gunner

Oh dear, this is a no-gun zone! Just when the audience was about to enter a panic, this Mutant cleverly turned around and bared his butt. The audience was immediately pacified. The Mutant went on the explain in pained groans and grunts how happy he is he crashed his spaceship on Cardhuntria thinking the radioactive releases would give him superpowers. "I didn't get any spaceship-related superpowers, but with these, why would I want to?!" And indeed, why would he?

Ice Demon

Though this demon's icy exterior might hint at a cold and distant personality, this demon was more insecure than anything, asking us which way it would be allowed to stand meekly. When told it was fine to stand facing the northeast, it did so apologetically. Things got rather messy quickly when one audience member leaped up intent on 'feeling what it was like' with a tongue. It was like a scene from a cartoon. The audience member had to say that "Ith was sooooo smooth, thothally worth ith!~", the Ice Demon only said "It was rather emberassing." It later assured us it didn't mind too much though. Oh my.


For now, though, we seem to have a disciplinarian issue among our audience, many of which are already stating their intention to "Grope as many Demons as they can". Now, Demons may be from another Realm and representations of pure Evil and to some people that may make them attractive or deserve to be groped, but neither of those are a justification to sexually harass them! We'll be back shortly after I personally talk to our audience. Because honestly, where am I going to get security from, it's already amazing enough we've not been shut down yet.

Link to part 2: http://maniafig.blogspot.nl/2015/07/cardhuntrias-best-butt-part-2.html

Confession of my obsession 2: Cardhuntrian Boogaloo

I've not written a blog in a while, it seems. And there's pretty much one reason for it, which is Card Hunter.

Ever since Card Hunter released its latest expansion, I seem to have been spending a lot of time playing it, like 24 hours in 12 days just on Steam, let alone the actual CH site itself. That's a whole lot of Card Hunting. Sometimes I was even co-oping in the night, even, eating into my sleeping time.

I think I'm reaching the point where I'm getting tired of it; the obsession is waning.

I was probably going to say more, but I don't know what it is. The expansion is great and all, and CH is great, but enough is enough, I should probably distance myself from it and focus on more varied things, since right now I just feel so non-committal to anything but CH.

Even this blog, it seems. That's all there is. I pray I have more to say sooner rather than later.

An apology; or why Imgur makes me unsure

Remember how I posted a blog on 8 June right after midnight? And this is 9 July in the evening? Well it's the day after, so I totally didn't break my own promise! Totally.

Too bad Imgur is overloaded right now! Absolutely dreadful! And to think I cleared my PC of Laser Lords screencaps because they clogged up my Dropbox, now I can't access any of them.

I am sure all of you were waiting in anticipation for my next Laser Lords blog, and surely won't be able to sleep tonight, but I simply can't just write down a lot of text without illustrating what I mean with some juicy clay figures saying weird or sexual and surprisingly dark dialogue! 

Rather, I'll just show some other stuff, like, uh... STEVEN UNIVERSE SCREENCAPS. And gifs. Yes.

MFW Imgur doesn't work

MFW I can't make Corelis insane today

Looking at the time and realizing I can't write a Laser Lords blog before 24:00

Realizing Scintilla would be so disappointed

Submitting queries on Google Image for Steven Universe images

MFW Blogger is being difficult when I paste in Steven Universe images

MFW imgur works again

MFW I already put effort into this blog and don't want to throw it away

Abandoning Laser Lords blogs for now until inspiration truly strikes

That awkward moment when you present an apology blog when you promised Laser Lords

Corelis when he realizes there's no Laser Lords blog today

An analysis of parody, satire and intentions; A tale of Lasers, Lords and -isms part 0: Prologues, introductions and the apathy of Eunuchus; or making Corelis go insane

The time has come. The time you have all been waiting for!

Praise Zendo!

Yes my good friends. It is finally time for that Laser Lords blog you've all been waiting for!

Eunuchus must not be familiar with Laser Lords.

In case you were unlucky enough not to endure, err, listen to me ramble on about this game, Laser Lords is an adventure game released in 1994 for the CD-i gaming platform, a rather obscure gaming platform whose biggest redeeming quality seems to be that it houses some Nintendo-licensed Mario and Zelda games that have gone on to become memes and acquire much ridicule.

Eunuchus, please, throw me a bone here.

Although the system it is on is unfortunate, the game itself is a surprisingly deep, complex, compelling, dark and downright absurd adventure game that doesn't take itself seriously at all yet manages to be completely internally consistent, creating seven worlds which are filled with a huge variety of people who you're never quite sure of whether they're on your side or not. It rewards the player for thinking creatively, questioning the people inside of it and coming up with alternate solutions. It also punishes the player for thinking creatively, questioning the people inside of it and coming up with alternate solutions. It's much more massive than a goofy game from the 90s has any right to be, and it revels in its own silliness by having equally out there dialogue and voice acting. Because all the dialogue in the game is voice-acted, and all of it is fantastic. And as you might have seen from the images here, all the characters have their own clay models and yes, there are claymation scenes in the game!

Damnit Eunuchus!

If unlike Eunuchus you have any taste at all and you find yourself intrigued by any of this, then you are in luck, because you are one of those chosen few who'll get to experience the delightfulness that is this game! All through the lens of me, of course. Laser Lords is really big. Like really really big. Super big. So big that I couldn't hope to cover all of it! Rather, as the title suggests, it's going to be more of an analysis where I'll look at some things I personally observed and other people have observed, which in the case of these blogs will be allegations of racism, its use of social commentary and just whether it intends to just be a funny game or have some sort of point it's trying to make. Of course, even that would be way too massive for a post, you could argue this prologue is already pushing it! Therefore I'll actually split it into parts as someone suggested me to do before! I do need to explain what the game actually is and such before diving into the depths, but the next three blogs are all going to look at the game from a specific angle. Won't that be fun?! It will be for me, I love analyses, and I love Laser Lords!

Gotta crack those knuckles, all of this'll take a lot of typing on my end.

By far the easiest way to explain the game would be to let the game do it itself, which is by linking to its manual which goes over the basics of the gameplay and the setting, detailing what the game is about, what planets you'll visit and going over a few people you will encounter. http://imgur.com/a/mmLuz

Because I know most people don't like reading manuals, I'll give a short description of the plot of it myself:

-Evil primordial being Sarpedon wants to condense the universe, called the 'void' in-game, into a crystal.

-Zendo, another primordial being, enlists you to retrieve the crystal which was lost in the void.

-You travel though planets to question people, gather information, acquire and trade items and a currency called Taras, or T's for short.

-At times people will engage you in combat, often it is better to flee than to fight and you're encouraged to question people who might reveal the weaknesses of your enemies.

-Each world has a code of wisdom that is made of four parts, you're meant to learn these by talking to people. You also need to collect four stars of virtue that contain the code of wisdom of the void.

http://roysmeding.nl/projects/cdi_dumps/laser_lords/audio/anime.rtf/r0202ch15.ogg <- Four virtues.

It's pretty standard fare so far, but things get complex real quick when you find out the planets and people inhabiting them have extensive paths of dialogues you navigate by asking them about specific keywords they mentioned, remembering those words and telling them to the right people, offering them items, offering money, reciting codes of wisdom and sometimes just beating it out of them. You'll do this on these seven planets, described as shortly as I can while preserving enough detail, images included for your convenience:

-Luxor: A slave planet to Argos with an oppressive and theocratic ruling class of Koptoans of that seeks to awaken the god Seb who'll allow them to make Koptos the only deity the whole void worships. Opposed to them are the oppressed Gameans, who also seek to awaken Seb, but to free them from both the Koptoans and the Argosians. Both the Gameans and Koptoans follow the same code, the Sooth Song, that details Seb's origins and what he has planned for Argos.

A Luxorian very eager to mate with Seb.

-Argos: An imperialist, capitalist planet seemingly run by a figurehead emperor who looks at Sarpedon as an inspiration, but really run by a military-industrial complex bent on achieving dominance over the void and making profit. Its Commercial Code favors selfishness and exploitation.

An Argosian propagandist working on some anti-Luxor propaganda.

-Fornax: A planet with a toxic surface that only mutants can survive in after the hedonistic casino-spaceship Seminum Omegan landed there as a result of being blasted by Argos. The owners of the starship, the Creegs, have 20 men for every woman and the only female Creeg on board is their Queen. The casino is where aliens make their wagers and the halls are where bounty hunters and Fornax Patrol hunt the destitute. Their code emphasizes establishing dominance over others not with brute force, but by indulging their every desire.

A Creeg explaining how to 'Fornaxicate'. (Was retard considered inappropriate in 1994?) 

-Tekton: A budding technocratic empire of sentient droids with dreams of incorporating the entire universe into their program, the Analects of Co-fusion, which describes the functions of droids into a perfectly structured and ordered society in which everything has a clear purpose.

A droid laying down the smackdown on organics.

-Woo: A spiritual and natural planet inhabited only by animals capable of advanced thought who nonetheless subscribe to the Song of Flux, which details the Ways of Woo and how Woo maintains a natural harmony. Death is only another part of life on Woo, and the only nobler fate than being eaten by a carnivore is to be a plant whose sole purpose is to honourably feed others. 

A look into a Kudu's life. 

-Hive: The dilapidated planet the Creegs once inhabited, now turned into a hive for wasps due to the Creeg's treachery and deceit. Only its queen is sentient, and all larvae are thought the Hum of Hive that indoctrinates them into their mindless state. Apparently this is a good thing.

The queen of Hive does not mess around.

-Ravanna: A planet converted by Sarpedon to serve as the base for his Voidal Implosion Condensation Engine, his great VICE, here his warriors roam and teach you the Code of Sarpedon, which is pretty much Evil for Evil's sake.

Is... is this a Goblin? Eeeee, so cute! :3

Quite a prologue, huh? Don't worry, this should be most of the explaining I have to do in such a dry form, because after this it's all analysis, ooh yes, won't it be fun?! I do intend to write one of these each day from now on, and we'll see where this spaceship strands! 

The Super Barbie Sisters Super Show Season 7, Episode 8: Mooning over you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkXObn6BaS0 I am very upset

Someone recommended me to watch the recent episode of Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse, and as a man of reason and logic, I am offended by the proceedings of this episode. There is zero consideration for proper physics and it features very uncharacteristic behaviour for astronauts, a grave insult towards those paragons of exploring new frontiers and enriching the common experience by adding to the human consciousness new insights into the workings of space, the galaxy and the universe. This episode takes all what humanity stands for and accomplished, throws it in a corner, kicks it, spits on it and laughs at it as it cries. My human spirit is weeping, but as a man of reason and logic, I realize there is no such thing as spirits and I shall firmly and with proper respect for the procedures of science objectively review this episode.

"It's so luminous!" "Yeah. It's like a big round... moony thing."

First of all, this is NOT what the moon looks like. The moon is grey and made of rock, and not yellow and made from cheese. I question how the people who made this episode ever got into a position to animate when even a preschooler could point out that the moon and its craters do not look like this.

Barbie's space station

As a student of astrophysics, I know very much about the construction of space stations, and this space station does not follow even the most BASIC of protocols. It is my firm belief that this space station is the glorification of privatized space-faring which is the sensationalism and even Barbiefication of the noble endeavor to propel humanity's knowledge spacebound. Disgusting.

THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY

Barbie and Ken leave the spacestation by attaching themselves to one another. This stunning display of stupidity was enough to even overload my bastion of a brain and send me into a panicked laugh, not realizing any other way to react. I once dabbled in neurophychology, and I believe it is the pupal gland part of the brain that caused me this reaction. Yes people, this episode almost gave my brain an aneurysm, that is how bad it is. Do not question my science, also, for this dissertation is only to be reviewed by a select group of peers to which you and the vast majority of humanity do not belong.

"We're gonna mine some interstellar sequins!"

Interstellar sequin? First of all, there is no such thin as interstellar sequin, sequin is a man-made product which is born from a combination of the praiseworthy ingenuity of mankind and the shallow vanity of  the people, not a naturally occuring phenomenon that is to be studied and mined. Furthermore, the operation for mining the sequins is called "Operation Sparkle", but that name is too vague to be a proper name for an operation, they should make it more clearly indicative or add another word to set it apart from other operations involving sparkles, like "Twilight" for example.

"Are there dolls on other planets? And are they recommended for ages 3 and up?"

Okay, when did Ken suddenly land on the 'moon' to address the viewers, why is there a bench on the moon and why are there aliens? Barring the logical fallacies in this scene, it also shows that it does not follow any logical narrative flow of events and introduces many new elements into the episode that confuse the episode's intent and do not return, making me as a viewer chronically confused as to the point of this scene. I have myself authored and co-edited many books, and if I were to edit a book that had a scene such as this in it, I would not only edit it out, I would find all other copies of the manuscript and burn them using a chemically safe reaction of which the complexity is indescribable by human language

"How about a space soda, Barbie?"

Now, in the next scene which does not logically flow from the previous, Ken offers Barbie a can of 'space soda'. This scene is wrong for a variety of reasons. First of, the show never established beforehand that Ken brought such a thing, so this scene comes out of nowhere. Furthermore, Ken had no place to keep such a can of space soda. Finally, there is no such thing as commercialized space soda. I have a friend who works in marketing, and she assured me that such a product is highly unfeasible, but do not take her word to be foolproof because her field is merely social economics, the filthiest form of 'science' that there is.

"I've got some veggie chips if you want to go healthy!"

Again, this scene shows the same problems as the last scene, as well as being repetitious, meaning the last scene was completely without point and served as nothing but padding to make the 3:45 mark, which is absolutely pathetic. In this scene, Ken opens a bag of space veggie chips, which blows him away and detaches him from Barbie, sending him tumbling into space. Although I am glad what this means for the gene pool, I took some advanced classes in genetic biology, you see, that does not take from the fact that this is not how physics in space work, the force of opening the bag and the air spewing out cannot cause a greater knockback effect for Ken, if this was true then we would have already solved the energy crisis by now, which is actually something I am working on right now and making progress on, as part of my final thesis.

"Aaaah, I'm detached!"

Here you can see that right after Ken is blown away and experiences intense shock and fear, he suddenly starts to smile and take a picture of himself. This shows no consideration for the intricate workings of the human psyche, and it is my belief that the people responsible for this scene are pathologically unable to function in society with other people and should be put away for their and the general populace's sake. Please refer to my thesis on precriminological profiling for more information on the subject.

"Space selfie!"

You can see here that Ken has taken a "selfie" in the last scene and is showing it to the audience. This makes no sense for several reasons. For one, why did Ken bring such a device with him? Secondly, how does he address the audience if he is a character inside an animation short?

"I've never lost a doll, and I don't plan to lose one now."

Barbie freaks out, which based on my past interactions with them I know women are wont to do, and calls for "Malibu" to get permission to do something. This scene shows, however, that the one in charge of giving this command is a little girl. I believe that this reaffirms the "Coma theory" I have read about in one of the many scientific journals I need to read for my intense and rigorous studies, but it does not excuse that any company that specializes in spacefaring, be it public or privatized, would put a child in control of its operations.

Lasso physics in space?!

After getting permission to save Ken, Barbie uses her connection as a lasso to reconnect Ken. This is not how physics work in space, and also does not account for the fact that the connector she uses is not as elastic as it needs to be to catch on to Ken, which the show ignored for the convenience of the plot. This is an unforgivable sin, for the tenets of science have absolute priority in any and all situations, a basic principle of all human life that this show ignores.

WHAT

Next, Barbie uses a hair dryer to proper herself and Ken backwards back to the "sequined comet". This scene is what so called 'critics' call a Deus Ex Machina. Though I would loathe to ally myself with such a snobby and sorry bunch of twits who do not grasp even the most basic elements of storytelling as evidenced by their unrighteous trashing of my realistic science-nonfiction novel "Lords of the Laser", they would be right in calling this scene a Deus Ex Machina, as Barbie pulls this tool out of nowhere with zero foreshadowing in the narrative of her possessing such an item, let alone bringing it with her. It also does not comply to physics once more and once again would mean infinite energy could be created with a hair dryer alone, which is impossible as I have tried so many times with my mom's hair-dryer to no effect other than making me even more beautiful.

"In space, no-one can hear you scream... with joy!"

The line that Ken utters is actually not scientifically sound and does not take into consideration all possible circumstances and possibility, showing an absolutist viewpoint which is ultimately unfounded and without merit. Just a minute ago, both Barbie, Chelsea and the watchers could all hear Ken screaming from space.

"Let's celebrate with some sherbet!"

Once more Ken pulls out a foodstuff from nowhere and opens it, once more releasing more force than should be possible, solving another infinite energy crisis and establishing him as lacking a short-term memory, which from my personal experience astronauts are tested for in their rigorous examination. So rigorous that even I did not pass, in what I believe to be a fault in the examination system.

"NEIGH"

What? Horses are not accepted into the position of astronaut and cannot legally earn the right to drive a spacecraft. These scene is the final in a chain of scenes that make no sense.


Overall I conclude that this episode is not scientifically or narratively sound and fails in each and every aspect to celebrate that which makes us humans superiour over any common animal, which is the only audience to which I would recommend this trite and banal display of frivolity. I believe that it would take more research into the quantum theory of dark antimatter to explain just the severity of this episode's failings.


Seriously though, this episode was hilarious.